[21 Oct 2005|09:14pm] im not in a very good mood. at all. this was a really tough week. i guess im having trouble adjusting to dealing with so much work, and at the same time just dealing with normal things. i guess thats whats so bad about high school, and maybe even junior year in particular. theres so much more to think about, in addition to actual work (and not just for classes but clubs and everything). i sort of hate feeling alone. i guess i was lucky to not feel this way over the summer. i feel like everyone has somebody but me. especially when the october wind with fists of turnips punishes the land some let me make you of heartless words. the heart is drained that, spelling in the scurry of chemic blood, warned of the coming fury. by the sea's side hear the dark-vowelled birds. dylan thomas. 5 - post

[18 Oct 2005|10:08pm] i never post anymore but i felt like it. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIZ! THE BIG 1-6! 1 - post

[30 Sep 2005|11:33pm] if you can hold on if you can hold on hold on just got back from the killers concert.....amazing....i need to go write songs! 1 - post

[19 Sep 2005|07:50pm] havent updated in a while... highlights of the day worth mentioning: laughing through 90% of the IB "orientation" assembly because of kathryn. paying terrance a dollar to eat a cicada during cross country. i'm not positive he swallowed it, but he def chewed it for a while (we could hear the crunching). post

a look back [31 Aug 2005|07:44pm] so august is ending. this summer may have been the best summer i can remember so far. i feel like i really did a lot this summer. highlights: -getting drivers permit/actualy driving -landmark volunteers - working and getting stuff done, meeting really really cool people, james taylor concert -family vacation to quebec, lake placid, connecticut, new hampshire / making a cool vacation video / spending time in nature -getting away in general -coming home in general -wisdom teeth out (a bad highlight, but now i dont have to get it done later in life) -bike ride to and from long beach with adam -going to the beach -spending as much time at the village green as possible -spending as little time in "town" as possible -train ride alone / going to nyc alone -reading good books (malcolm x, 1984) -4h in general - meeting and getting closer with amazing people, passing cit -going back to candlelighting and seeing everyone -spending time with different people (mets game) -writing a lot of music -making money for spain by doing nothing -jet skiing! -spending time with friends i dunno, maybe some people who read this will think its interesting, and hopefully everyone feel equally as good about their summers. im really looking forward to seeing everyone tomorrow and hearing what everyone did. im really happy right now. 6 - post

[31 Aug 2005|12:43am] cause now we say goodnight from our own separate sides like brothers on a hotel bed 2 - post

[24 Aug 2005|11:47pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | fix you ] everyone (including myself) is so different over the summer. i cant tell whether in general its mainly for the better or worse. i wish you'd call me. both of you. but you won't even see this. 3 - post

[21 Aug 2005|11:51pm] [ music | the shins ] i know i like someone when i start getting jealous. 3 - post

met game [18 Aug 2005|11:03pm] met game tonight. took a 3 45 train in with steve, nick, danny, dan, greg, carlos, and kieran to shea. the mets lost 5 to 0 but it was still a fun game. we gambled a little, i lost three dollars, then made one dollar back. i think danny got like nine dollars which was pretty good. i also made an effort to eat as much as i could. i had a knish, french fries, ice cream, and cracker jacks. i guess i could have eaten more but i didnt want to spend all my money. so yeah it was a cool day/night. its just nice to have a guys night out every now and then. and i also dont usually hang out with these guys all the time so that was really cool. filming tomorrow with danny. then gishs! happy birthday gish! 1 - post

tonight in long beach [17 Aug 2005|05:41pm] [ music | armor for sleep ] so tonight i went to long beach to see lauren. i got sort of lost but eventually i got to her house. then we walked around and she showed me where she works and we saw jess. then we went to the beach and tried to watch the sunset. we could sort of see it, but the sun didnt set directly over the water. we sat in a lifegaurd chair and hung out, and then went for pizza. i got two mushroom slices. they were really good but i couldnt finish them. then we went back to her house on the water and went in her hot tub and sat on her dock. the whole night was a lot of fun. it made me really wish i lived in long beach (or on the water, at least). 1 - post

today [16 Aug 2005|10:39pm] [ music | death cab ] so today i went into the city to see steph. it was actually the first time i ever rode the train by myself. we met at the 7th ave enterance to penn station and then we walked one million blocks to central park. we found a carousel and went on it, but it was too fast for me. then i got a pretzel and a smoothie and we sat by some water. then we walked some more and stopped in some stores. i got some shirts at h&m. it was nice seeing her again and i hope to see some more landmark people soon. i got home and went running. i passed the pro-life man protesting. i was really tired from running and not in a mood to be like "what right does an old man like you have to tell women what to do with their bodies?" so instead i just repeated "you're a fucking piece of shit, your mother should be ashamed, etc." he was pretty dick today. usually he just says "what are you getting so excited about?" and grins at me. today he was telling me i was "too young to even have this conversation" and i had "no vocabulary." then as i was leaving a guy who was probably a freshman or sophmore in college followed me on his razor scooter. this was that conversation: "hey man, you gave that guy a pretty hard time. he never bothers anyone, so you shouldnt bother him." - boy "i think he bothers that doctor by standing outside his house and protesting ever week." - me "well if you come on this block again i'll murder you." - boy "thats funny, because that old man was just telling me how murder is wrong." - me "say that to my face." - boy by that time he was in his drive way and i wanted to finish my run. if anyone wants to come wtih me to have a similar experience next tuesday, feel more than welcome. tonight i stayed in and watched "the truman show." its so good. 5 - post

home from 4h [13 Aug 2005|11:56pm] [ music | atal ] so i got home today from 4h... it was amazing. im not sure i met too many new people other than counselors, but i got closer with a lot of people i wasnt very friendly with last year. cits 05! maybe i'll try and put pictures up later. maybe quotes too. i slept the whole day and ate. then saw sam who i hadnt seen in six weeks. then went to lomo's for her party and saw all the theatre people i hadnt seen since the beginning of the summer. then i saw liz adam jeanette and gish who i had missed also. missing camp, but its good to be home. 2 - post

[31 Jul 2005|09:18pm] leaving tomorrow morning....write me.... post

random [31 Jul 2005|12:53am] "has your mom ever yelled at your dad so much that you actually wanted him to hit her?" - chris rock there are one million people i know right now at the backstreet boy concert. 1 - post

tonight, good to be home [29 Jul 2005|12:40am] tonight i was with adam, jeanette, nicole, simon, sarah, and rich longo. it was good to be home. we just walked around a little, and didnt really do anything special. jeanette had the line of the night. i cant remember it really (comment if you remember it) but it was something like: "its only cute when gay guys hold hands." i also declared i was a MILF, which had adam laughing. 2 - post

vacation [28 Jul 2005|03:55pm] just got back from two weeks at/in: the balsams resort - dicksville knotch, new hampshire lowes - quebec city, quebec, canada the lake placid lodge - lake placid, new york my country house - kent, connecticut maybe i'll write about each one later, but for now i'll just say they were all fun and now its nice to be back. i leave monday for 4h. im so excited i feel like just running around right now. write to me please! if you do i'l write back a very nice letter. max kutner c/o dpf nassau county 4h camp 3186 sound ave, riverhead, ny 11901 post

bad tv [14 Jul 2005|10:33pm] so the weirdest thing happened. so i watched the andy milonakis show, which i decided is the worst thing on television. like, i felt it was so bad, i was offended. not even by anything in particular. maybe i felt embarassed that the older generation who produce this show try and aim it for people in our generation, who would like this sort of thing. if this is so (unfortunetley many people tell me they love the show) then i really dont want to be a teenager right now. so yeah, i felt "offended." so i was just imagining getting really offended at something and what it would be, and how id write a letter to mtv. the thing that popped into my mind was many andy saying things were "gay." then i came across this part of an article in usa today: [Milonakis was making short films that circulated on the Internet when Kimmel noticed one a couple of years ago in which an unkempt Andy got up from bed, grabbed a guitar and ad-libbed The Super Bowl Is Gay. In the song, he delineated how nearly every item in his room was gay, too. ] the point of this post was to say such a weird coinsidence occured, but after re-reading it it seems my point was its a terrible show (i also have many more spelling errors than usual). anyway its a horrible show. dont watch it. 3 - post

just relaxing [14 Jul 2005|01:01am] [ music | "do you realize" remix, the flaming lips ] nothing new at all. monday went into down with danny, did really nothing (but i got a flaming lips cd). tuesday spent the whole day recording my new demo. night went into town, did nothing, wednesday worked in the city with my dad. night went into town, did nothing. town seems to be very boring. tomorrow night im rehearsing for dannys movie. friday im going to a film festival, possibly with lauren. then saturday my family leaves for vacation. we're not exactly sure where though. we were supposed to do england and scottland but now my parents think it wouldnt be safe, so we may just be going to new hampshire. missing landmark. getting excited for 4h. 2 - post

landmark volunteers [10 Jul 2005|09:21pm] so now that im home and i have some time im going to reflect a little on my last two weeks with landmark volunteers. all the people there were really nice and mature. zack, stephanie, ella, brian, andrew, andi, dan, danny t, seth, kim, amanda, meriden, and lauren. unlike 4h, most of them live pretty far away (minnesota, washington, california, michigan) so im not sure when i'll see a lot of them again. i'll also missed the people we worked with at shakespeare and company. not really the people at tanglewood. i kept something of a journal when we were there. some of you who werent there may find it interesting, probably not. those of you from landmark please let me know anything major i forgot. this is just a summary: day 1 - meeting everyone, pizza hut, sweaty man day 2 - shakespeare and co, building trial, old timer, lawn chairs with ryan, mini golf day 3 - set production help, rain, danny t tic, hospital, home 3am day 4 - gardening, mall, "war of the worlds", picking up girls, cranium day 5 - tanglewood, raking trails, sports night, catch phrase day 6 - sweeping shack, relay race day 7 - sweeping, cleaning bcd, williamstown, "batman begins" day 8 - off, hike day 9 - james taylor concert, laundry day 10 - weeding day 11 - bowling, "do you like chez?" day 12 - surprise meal, talent show, chef threw us bbq day 13 - work at bcd, boston symphony orchestra prelude, compliment circle day 14 - departure maybe i'll say more about the experience later. its been a day and i miss it and everyone so much. 5 - post

home [09 Jul 2005|03:06pm] im home now for five or six days. landmark volunteers was amazing. i'll post about it later because ive only been home about an hour. 3 - post

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